Super Mundane: Useless Superpowers for Everyday People

super mundane

Geeks always get it, the dumb questions. The bland ones. The questions that don’t scratch beneath the surface? Who’s your favorite superhero? DC or Marvel? If you could have a superpower…

Wait, let’s delve in with that one, but with a twist. Becky asked the community, if you could have one mundane/useless power what would it be? And the community delivered.

Honestly, that toilet paper thing would be incredibly useful for me. I don’t know if the stylists in my salon do this to me on purpose, because their husbands can’t change a roll at home, but I fly into a blind rage every time I see that empty cardboard tube.

Being a walking boombox, while certainly not useful in any practical sense, would still be pretty cool. Carolyn says she would make her entrance theme Glitter and Gold by Barns Courtney. That’s probably better than any song choices I would have made. I would probably just annoy everyone with folk punk.

This sparked a discussion about gamers and Magic: The Gathering pro qualifier tournaments which, while being a negative stereotype of the communities in question, isn’t…exactly untrue.

super mundane

He’s clearly praying for that very power

This would shake the very fabric of the Twitter landscape. Though, it wouldn’t be terribly fair to allow users to constantly walk back and change statements, thereby altering the context of replies to them. I suppose some men just want to watch the world burn.

Fun fact: Did you know that infecting yourself with hookworms can cure your allergy symptoms? On their parasites episode, RadioLab introduced its listeners to Jasper Lawrence, who had discovered the remedy to his suffering in an unlikely place. In the update linked above RadioLab caught back up with Jasper to discover that, unsurprisingly, he’d had a visit from the FDA. So don’t expect to be ordering hookworms for yourself anytime soon. If you were comfortable with the idea of buying hookworms on the internet and injecting them into your body, that is. I wouldn’t. My allergies are pretty minor, though.

Pfft. Like most of us guys do much grooming in the first place. This would probably be a more useful power for the ladies. Trust me on this one, I’m a hair stylist. I see all the stuff they do, and it makes me thankful every day to be a dude.

MY GOD, THIS WOULD BE REVOLUTIONARY. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU SAT DOWN TO WRITE A…OH, NO…I’M DOING IT NOW, AREN’T I? HELP.

This doesn’t feel useless or mundane at all. Maybe its because I’m an outdoors-y person, but being a walking can of Off! spray would be great for camping excursions, or even just when I’m in the backyard pickin’ on my git-fiddle. Mosquitoes can be pretty rough, here in Tennessee.

I feel your pain, Pun. I’m MEGA near-sighted AND I’ve got astigmatism. People don’t know the terror of waking up in the middle of the night, and not being able to find your glasses. That’s a panic attack, right there. Plus, I’m always having to look over my glasses to read my phone.

I could just get lasik eye surgery?

Circuit over here, trying to put me out of a job. I charge a lot of money for that kinda thing. I suppose that really only strengthens his argument, though.

Would you still eat, though? Would you know when to stop if you did? This raises so many extra questions, it deserves an article all its own.

Being the heavy drinker I am, I know the pain of mysterious bruises and lacerations all too well. Just imagine if I had the power to avoid that, while drunk? I would be impervious to injuries, and also a reckless madman. This one has my vote.

If you’re going this route, why not just go all the way, and have it cook instantly? I’ve been waiting on that Jetsons-style instant-food tech, since I was a child. Push-button chicken alfredo, anybody?

I drink too much coffee as it is. This is just asking for trouble.

What’s your mundane superpower? Join the conversation on Twitter by following our hashtag #DoYouEvenComicBook, and remember: no superpower is useless, when you really start to think about it. Just ask Arm Fall Off Boy.

Super Mundane

I take it back that power is completely useless

 

The featured image for this post is by Andreas Englund. Find more of his work here

Dexter Buschetelli thinks he is really clever, but you know better; don’t you? Do you? I dunno, I’m not your mom. Dexter can be found here on DYECB writing reviews and opinion pieces as well as on the website for his podcast, Let’s Get Drunk and Talk Comics.

Dexter Buschetelli thinks he is really clever, but you know better; don’t you? Do you? I dunno, I’m not your mom. Dexter can be found here on DYECB writing reviews and opinion pieces as well as on the website for his podcast, Let's Get Drunk and Talk Comics.

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